Pastoral therapy and extra-marital affairs : a narrative approach

Abstract

Extra-marital affairs are the main reason for divorce in western society. Pastoral therapists usually operate within a modernistic theology and use their 'expert' knowledge of theological ethics to confront the unfaithful spouse - a pastoral therapeutic approach that neither delivers the desired results, nor honours the client's expertise and freedom. This study endeavoured to socially construct pastoral therapy using the principles of postmodernistic social construction discourse with couples/spouses where one spouse is or was engaged in an extramarital affair. The relation between a modernistic epistemology and a postmodernistic epistemology, and how this relation affects theology, practical theology and pastoral therapy were explored. The propium of pastoral therapy in a postmodemistic paradigm and the implications of a narrative approach in pastoral therapy for theological ethics were reflected upon. A narrative description of extra-marital affairs was constructed and some of the cultural discourses which co-constitute extra-marital affairs were discussed. The pastoral therapist and clients were simultaneously in conversation with ethical discourses and relational, personal and emotional discourses, thus co-constructing new alternatives and possibilities. During these multiple reflexive conversations, some of the cultural discourses (eros; self-fulfilment; extra-marital sex and hedonism) which co-constitute extra-marital affairs were deconstructed. In the light of the usual limitations of the life-span of an extra-marital affair, the pastoral therapist and faithful spouses socially constructed alternatives and possibilities for their lives to enable them to outstay the extra-marital affair of the unfaithful spouse. Multiple reflexive conversations with (un)faithful spouses co-constructed, with relational and ethical discourses, a narrative approach in pastoral therapy. The use of externalisation and ritualisation in a narrative approach in pastoral therapy concerning extra-marital affairs was explored. A sense of guilt and secrets were also themes in multiple reflexive conversations with unfaithful spouses. This prompted reflection on the use of Scripture in a narrative approach in pastoral therapy. The relation between the biological-psychological aspects of extra-marital affairs and narrative therapy are also briefly explored.